leonineantiheroine:

daniellescruggs:

Do you treat yourself as well as you treat your friends and family?

That simple question is the basis for a burgeoning new area of psychological research called self-compassion — how kindly people view themselves. People who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to others, it turns out, often score surprisingly low on self-compassion tests, berating themselves for perceived failures like being overweight or not exercising.

The research suggests that giving ourselves a break and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward better health. People who score high on tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety, and tend to be happier and more optimistic. Preliminary data suggest that self-compassion can even influence how much we eat and may help some people lose weight.

This idea does seem at odds with the advice dispensed by many doctors and self-help books, which suggest that willpower and self-discipline are the keys to better health. But Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field, says self-compassion is not to be confused with self-indulgence or lower standards.

“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent,” said Dr. Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin. “They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.”

I highly recommend Paul Gilbert’s phenomenal Overcoming Depression which talks a lot about compassion in relation to the self and dealing with shit. The book also covers shame, guilt and a whole range of other emotions and heaps of stuff. Gilbert also doesn’t go on about this losing weight shit like this researcher mentions in the article—it’s more about self-acceptance.

A lot of the book is based on cognitive behavioral therapy which doesn’t suit everyone. What I like is how Gilbert acknowledges that CBT basically stems from ancient Buddhist thought. And yes I still think there is a problem with how CBT is a form of western appropriation!

Can we talk about how NOT for everyone CBT is, yet it’s still used as some kind of panacea for all things? For me, it just gave me more ammunition to hate myself and obsessively go in circles thinking about my thoughts. ex: “I have ‘bad’ thoughts and ‘bad’ feelings connected to those thoughts which means I’m ruining my own life because I think so shitty. Look, I’m doing it now! I’ll never get better I fail!” It was a nightmare.

I much like the “radical acceptance” of dialectical behavioral therapy. I’d like even better if more people said it was okay to be depressed or diabetic or traumatized. That being “unhealthy” isn’t a character flaw. It just is.